Monday, December 20, 2010

Fine, I will deal. But that doesn't mean I will like it.

Oh goodness where to begin.  The date went amazing, but it was destined to fail and so it did.  Not really sure why.  We both seemed to have a really good time, he stayed for most of the weekend. He called a few times after the date and things seemed great, but then the calls just stopped and that was it.  Oh well.  I'm starting to figure out I'm not ready for a relationship anways.  You can only ignore what you are trying not to deal with for so long before it gets the best of you and forces you to acknowledge it.  Everyone always says you have to learn how to be by yourself before you can be with someone else and I have always that was shit, but unfortunately I now see that it may be true.  So, here it goes.  I am going to learn to be by myself but I am not liking it so far and I know it will only get worse.  Bring it.  What do I have to lose really? 

Being left at the alter sucked, and rather than deal with it I went on a search for a band aid to make it all better, a quick fix if you will.  Friends, those do not exist.  Eventually you will have to deal, it was only a matter of time before I figured this out.  For the past couple weeks I have been a mess, overwhelmed with emotions that I have been ignoring for months and I was very negative about everything in my life.  This week I have been trying to turn that around and be more positive and see this as an exciting journey rather than a depressing one.  It's working today but there are no promises for tomorrow. 

What's amazing to me is how quickly life can change.  Within 30 minutes my entire life was turned upside down and everything I thought I knew was wrong.  But there is something else that is amazing:  how quickly we as humans can adapt and pick ourselves back up.  If you would have told me 6 months ago what was going to happen I would have been terrified of how I was going to make it through it, but here I am.  I made it.  It hasn't been easy by any means, but I am confident now that I can handle whatever is next and I am ready to embrace the challenges in life.  At least today I am ready.  It's a process and varies from day to day but what is certain is that whatever happens I will be ok eventually.  All you can do to get by in life is whatever it takes. 

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